>>>>Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continuethe
>>>>strength and robustness of the candy as a species.  To this end, I hold
>>>>M&M duels.
>>>>
>>>>Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure,
>>>>squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters.  That is
>>>>the"loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately.  The winner gets to
>>>>go another round.
>>>>
>>>>I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and
>>>>the newer blue ones are genetically inferior.  I have hypothesized that
>>>>the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of
>>>>competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
>>>>
>>>>Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or
>>>>pointier, or flatter than the rest.  Almost invariably this proves to be
>>>>a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.
>>>>In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
>>>>
>>>>When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest
>>>>of the herd.  Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I
>>>>pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of
>>>>Mars, Inc., >Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card
>>>>reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
>>>>
>>>>This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free
>>>>1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms.  I consider this "grant money."  I have set
>>>>aside the weekend for a grand tournament.  From a field of hundreds, we
>>>>will discover the True Champion.
>>>>
>>>>There can be only one.