>>Diary of an AOL User. >> >>July 18 - I just tried to connect to America Online. I've heard it is >>the best online service I can get. They even included a free disk! >>I'd better hold onto it incase they don't ever send me anther one! I >>can't connect. I don't know what is wrong. >> >>July 19 - Some guy at the tech support center says my computer needs a >>modem. I don't see why. He's just trying to cheat me. How dumb does he >>think I am? >> >>July 22 - I bought the modem. I couldn't figure out where it goes. It >>wouldn't fit in the monitor or the printer. I'm confused. >> >>July 23 - I finally got the modem in and hooked up. that nine year old >>next door did it for me. But it still don't work. I cant get online. >> >>July 25 - That nine year old kid next door hooked me up to America >>Online for me. He's so smart. I told the kid he was a prodigy. But he >>says that's just another service. What a modest kid. He's so smart and >>he does these services for people. Anyway he's smarter then the jerks >>who sold me the modem. They didn't even tell me about communications >>software. Bet they didn't know. And why do they put two telephone jack >>holes in the back of a modem when you only need one? And why do they >>have one labeled phone when you are not suppose to hook it to the phone >>jack on the wall? I thought the dial tone sounded funny! Boy, are >>modem makers dumb! But the kid figured it out by the sound. >> >>July 26 - What's the internet? I thought I was on America Online. Not >>this internet thing. I'm confused. >> >>July 27 - The nine year old kid next door showed me how to use this >>America Online stuff. I told him he must be a genius. He says that he >>is compared to me. Maybe he's not so modest after all. >> >>July 28 - I tried to use chat today. I tried to talk into my computer >>but nothing happened. maybe I need to buy a microphone. >> >>July 29 - I found this thing called usenet. I got out of it because I'm >>connected to America Online not usenet. >> >>July 30 - These people in this usenet thing keep using capital letters. >>How do they do that? I never figured out how to type capital letters. >>Maybe they have a different type of keyboard. >> >>JULY 31 - I CALLED THE COMPUTER MAKER I BOUGHT IT FROM TO COMPLAIN >>ABOUT NOT HAVING A CAPITOL LETTER KEY. THE TECH SUPPORT GUY SAID IT WAS >>THIS CAPS LOCK KEY. WHY DIDN'T THEY SPELL IT OUT? I TOLD HIM I GOT A >>CHEAP KEYBOARD AND WANTED A BETTER ONE. AND ONE OF MY SHIFT KEYS ISNT >>THE SAME SIZE AS THE OTHER. HE SAID THATS A STANDARD. I TOLD HIM I >>DIDN'T WANT A STANDARD KEYBOARD BUT ANOTHER BRAND. I MUST HAVE HAD AN >>IMPORTANT COMPLAINT BECAUSE I HEARD HIM TELL THE OTHER SUPPORT GUYS >>TO LISTEN IN ON OUR CONVERSATION. >> >>AUGUST 1 - I FOUND THIS THING CALLED THE USENET ORACLE. IT SAYS THAT IT >>CAN ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS I ASK IT. I SENT IT 44 SEPARATE QUESTIONS >>ABOUT THE INTERNET. I HOPE IT RESPONDS SOON. >> >>AUGUST 2 - I FOUND A GROUP CALLED REC.HUMOR. I DECIDED TO POST THIS >>JOKE ABOUT THE CHICKEN THAT CROSSED THE ROAD. TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! >>HA! >>HA! I WASNT SURE I POSTED IT RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 56 MORE TIMES. >> >>AUGUST 3 - I KEEP HEARING ABOUT THE WORLD WIDE WEB. I DON'T NOW SPIDERS >>GREW THAT LARGE. >> >>AUGUST 4 - THE ORACLE RESPONDED TO MY QUESTIONS TODAY. GEEZ IT WAS >>RUDE. I WAS SO ANGRY THAT I POSTED AN ANGRY MESSAGE ABOUT IT TO >>REC.HUMOR.ORACLE. I WASNT SURE IF I POSTED RIGHT SO I POSTED IT 22 MORE >>TIMES. >> >>AUGUST 5 - SOMEONE TOLD ME TO READ THE FAQ. GEEZ THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO >>USE PROFANITY. >> >>AUGUST 6 - SOMEONE ELSE TOLD ME TO STOP SHOUTING IN ALL MY MESSAGES. >>WHAT A STUPID JERK. IM NOT SHOUTING! IM NOT EVEN TALKING! JUST TYPING! >>HOW CAN THEY LET THESE RUDE JERKS GO ON THE INTERNET? >> >>August 7 - Why have a Caps Lock key if you're not suppose to use it? >>Its probably an extra feature that costs more money. >> >>August 8 - I just read this post called make money fast. I'm so exited. >>I'm going to make lots of money. I followed his instructions and posted >>it to every newsgroup I could find. >> >>August 9 - I just made my signature file. Its only 6 pages long. I >>will have to work on it some more. >> >>August 10 - I just looked at a group called alt.aol.sucks. I read a few >>posts and I really believe that aol should be wiped off the face of the >>earth. I wonder what an aol is. >> >>August 11 - I was asking where to find some information about something. >>Some guy told me to check out ftp.netcom.com. I've looked and looked >>but I can't find that group. >> >>August 12 - I sent a post to every usenet group on the Internet asking >>where the ftp.netcom.com is. hopefully someone will help. I cant ask >>the kid next door. His parents said that when he comes back from my >>house >>he's laughing so hard he can't eat or sleep or do his homework. So they >>wont let him come over anymore. I do have a great sense of humor. I >>don't know why the rec.humor group didn't like my chicken joke. Maybe >>they only like dirty stuff. Some people sent me posts about my 56 posts >>of the joke and they used bad words. >> >>August 13 - I sent another post to every usenet group on the Internet >>asking where the ftp.netcom.com is. I had forgot yesterday to include >>my new signature file which is only 8 pages long. I know everyone will >>want to read my favorite poem so I included it. I'm also going to add >>that short story I like. >> >>August 14 - Some guy suspended my account because of what I was doing. >>I told him I don't have an account at his bank. He's so dumb.