WILD = Walk In Lay Down, a party put on twice a year by Washington University.
Basically, everyone gathers in the quad for a wild druken party, usually
with a fairly big name band...

              The Drinkers Fault Finding Guide At WILD
              ========================================

Symptom  : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault    : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong part
           of face.
Solution : Get another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue with
           as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.

Symptom  : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; Beer unusually pale
           and clear.
Fault    : Glass is empty.
Solution : Go get another free pint.

Symptom  : Quad is spinning.
Fault    : Somebody is spinning your barstool/chair/recliner/blanket.
Solution : Vomit on person doing the spinning.

Symptom  : Feet cold and wet.
Fault    : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at sky.

Symptom  : Feet warm and wet.
Fault    : Loss of self-control.
Solution : Go and stand beside nearest dog.  After a while complain to its
           owner about its lack of house training.

Symptom  : Lap cool and wet.
Fault    : Drooling on yourself.
Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.

Symptom  : Quad blurred.
Fault    : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution : Find someone who will get you another free pint.

Symptom  : Quad moving.
Fault    : You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to a bar.  If not complain
           loudly that you are being hi-jacked.

Sympton  : WILD looks like a circus.
Fault    : You're at a circus.
Solution : Go to WILD.

Symptom  : Brookings is hidden by clouds.
Fault    : You have fallen over backwards.
Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your drinking arm,
           stay put. If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to 
           the chair.

Symptom  : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and
           dog-ends.
Fault    : You have fallen over forwards.
Solution : Same as for falling over backwards.

Symptom  : You have woken up to find your bed cold, hard and wet. You cannot
           see your bedroom walls or ceiling.
Fault    : You have spent the night in the quad.
Solution : Check your watch to see if it is time for brunch - if not treat
           yourself to a lie in.

Symptom  : Everything has gone dim.
Fault    : WILD is over.
Solution : PANIC!!