In this era of faxing and multitasking, being able to effectively manage 
your time is essential. Here are some tips to help you maximize your work 
hours: 

(a) Hold daily, two-hour staff meetings to discuss ways to increase 
productivity and develop employees' time-management skills

(b) Limit quality time with children and spouse to no more than 20 to 25 
minutes a week

(c) When making business calls, get right into it; avoid elaborate two-
part greetings like, "Hi there, how are you?"

(d) Kiss spouse goodbye five times before leaving for work Monday, 
allowing quicker exit from house for the rest of the week

(e) Every time you miss a deadline, give yourself an electrical shock; 
every time you meet one, give yourself a pellet

(f) Save time on the phone by yelling, "Shut up!" at the beginning of 
each conversation and then angrily slamming down receiver

(g) Cryogenically freeze self solid during wasteful "between meetings" 
time

(h) Keep map of office near desk to stay on top of most direct routes to 
other cubicles

(i) When exiting building for lunch, don't waste time walking down stairs 
or taking elevator; plummet from roof of building to street below