WHAT IF GOD HAD VOICE MAIL?

We have all learned to live with voice mail as a necessary
part of modern life.  But you may have wondered What if
God decided to install voicemail?

Imagine praying and hearing this:

Thank you for calling My Father's House.
Please select one of the following options:

    Press 1 for GENERAL REQUESTS
    Press 2 for THANKSGIVING
    Press 3 for COMPLAINTS
    Press 4 for HEALING
    Press 5 for HELP WITH THE IRS
    Press 6 for RAIN
    Press 7 for "JUST SAYING HI!"
    Press 8 for LOTTERY WINNING NUMBERS
      (good luck, we just guess too)
    Press 9 for ALL OTHER INQUIRIES
    Press 0 for this to all begin again

What if God used the familiar excuse...

"I'm sorry, all the angels are helping other customers
right now.  Please stay on the line.  Your call is important
to us and will be answered in the order it was received."

Can you imagine getting these kinds of responses
as you call God in prayer:

"If you would like to speak to:

    Gabriel, Press 11.
    For Michael, Press 22.
    For a directory of other Archangels, Press 33."
    For a directory of Seraphim and Cherubim, Press 44

If you'd like to hear King David sing a Psalm while you
are holding, please press 55, And then wait for the beep
and then enter the Number of the Psalm.

To find out if a loved one has been assigned to Heaven,
Please Press 66, enter His/her social security number,
then press the pound (#) key, then date of Birth, then
press the pound (#) key twice.

For reservations in one of the Many Mansions,
press the letters J-O-H-N, then 3-1-6.

For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age
of the earth, where Noah's Ark is, Darwin, Hitler, the Pope,
abortion, and UFO's please wait until you arrive here, they
can only be understood from a "heavenly perspective".

Need to reference or speak to Lucifer, Press 666,
your call will be automatically transferred.

Our computers show that you have already called once today.
Please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office is closed for the weekend.  Please call again
on Monday after 9:30am. But before 4:30 ACST
  - (Absolute Celestial Standard Time) -

Please call again soon, but never on Sunday,
That is OUR day of rest.